8:46 pm

I just finsihed moving in my backyard and the question of where am I when I am improvising came up. I was at times located in my backyard, noticing the unevennges of the tiers, noticing bugs crawling in the grass, noticing sounds, surfaces, textures, but at times I was located in the studio, at times I was moving in front of an audience - my neighbors, my students, my next performance, in the past, with people I have danced with, for, places I have moved, I was at JC Pennys working through some Jennifer Wood movement patterns, dancing with Kristin, Lindsey, Shanon, people who pushed my movement vocabuarly and I wish that I could have made dancing with them work long term, that process excited me, but I couldnt get away from my politics of labor, and how labor is recognized, how labor is appreciated, seen.....

At times I was thinking about teaching - how do I go about teaching technique and this notion is getting more and more complicated for me.....I learned how to dance through ballet and through improvising....ballet gave me form, it taught me how to make shapes, it taught me precision, footwork

improvisation taught me how to move, how to take up space, how to be coordianated, it taught me how to make transitions, how to embody and show up, it taught me presence and pleasure

what has modern class taught me....anything?  I am curious about how to necogicate these things for myself, why teach choregraphy....do I want to learn someones choreography in class, in what ways is that useful, what does it teach me about dancing? how can i bridge this gap?

this mosquito bite on my forehead is driving me bat shit crazy.

I am not sure how to articulate AT and dancing. I am not yet sure I know what AT is....this idea of wholeness, habit, and making choices keeps coming back. How can I perform a piece and respond in that moment? how can I not let my habits of phrasinig dictate my impulse, how can I locate impulse that is not dictated by habit, informed, but not dictated?  how can I allow for a new possibilitity, a new version of that movement that I have not performed, a new unfolding, why that word, why do I constantly come back to the idea of somehting unfolding????

how do I teach young dancers to conduct embodied research - how does one show up with their politics, how do I give censored name a platform to express her frustrations with micro agressions, her experiences in educaiton, how do I give her space to share her fucked up experience of the world, how do I see the ways in which my education / habits show up in my teaching???

Can I start each class with a question?

beginning and endings.....

i am most sucessful when I create a space where we are learning together....but how do I share what I know, what they need to know, how do i claim my authority???

can i take the time to really see what is coming into my field of vision while dancing?  

how can i move from my trunk, how can i think less limbs?

how can I light up my spine while dancing, how can I envision my spine, its thickness, its location, the space around it,

what will I do with all this writing?bout the gap between my understanding as a student, when i ngelou,ad the past, I thought that these issues, their voices were representing somehting that hadppened, somehting that no longer happened, I was not able to see that I am racist. I will always racist, that growing up white in the country has made me racist and that t it will show up in ways I don't see, cant see. that when I read about now, it mid not know thatere happening all around me, how reading has allowed me to see the world from another perspective, but I dont know what to do with that information, I can aknowledge it....but what do I do with it, how do I show up in the world, how do I make the world better, how do I teach epartment??