I have set an alarm for 30 minutes. My goal is to write for the entire time. Free writing, keeping the flow going and not stopping, not editing, not trying to write something that is witty and clever and for keeps.
.....many random words on the page.....
I am failing at my 30 minutes, I am unable to sustain my attention for that long. I know however, that writing is a muscle, it is something I will build towards. At times in my life, improvising for 30 minutes seemed impossible. I have not figured out how to maintain my concentration while writing / typing. I do not have the endurance, the capacity to continue. I feel a need to edit, a need to put to page words that are meaningful, words that have the power to influence. Isn’t that why I write? Don’t I write because I have something I want to say, something I want heard, not because I receive pleasure in writing? Or do I write to figure it out, as a process, as a way of unpacking, a way of giving myself focus and direction? It is curious that I care so much about why I am doing this…...it is also curious that something about writing makes me uncomfortable and instead of facing or embracing this discomfort, I allow myself to be distracted, to lose focus, to wander not in my writing but in other activities. I think I need to learn how to wander while writing. Instead of stopping, quitting, what are strategies for continuing this process instead of embarking on a difference process? Can I make myself continue to type even when I don’t think I have something worth saying? Can I stay in the task, building stamina? Like moving, can I tell myself that it is ok to just show up, that whatever I write, that is the material? Why do I have a different standard for moving then writing? Why do I have a different set of values to apply towards this task? In moving, I accept that some days in the studio I will not make something worth keeping. Yet I have difficulty putting the same time and energy into my writing….
Five more minutes….
And I don’t know if I can follow through, I am not sure I can make myself finish this task. Put words to page, why is that so hard?
This is a blog of processes. Through the sharing of media and writing I am following my impulses, teasing out and unpacking, translating, solidifying, and making concrete my investigations into something that can be shared.