Rehearsing Rising Tide

​November 7, 2017, 3:48 pm
 
It feels nice to spend a chunk of time in the studio.  I am looking forward to doing this with more regularity and I am angry with myself for not making this physical practice a priority.
 
I still can not make sense of the transition from head shaking to singing….something is not feeling right about how these ideas get connected…the singing now feels forced and I need to continue to figure out how to make it arise from the inside, out.  I am also not going quite deep enough, I have not been able to sink all the way into the void.  Is that the space  I am inhabiting, a void deep inside? I am reminded of the Orville, I am reminded of space, these vast interior terrains, universes, systems, this vast, uncharted territory, the space within. I am feeling more and more driven by the expressiveness of the hands, these gestures of protecting, of coming towards midline and these guestures of reaching out in space, searching for something, finding something, I am making meaning of in / out, these feelings of opening and closing
 
Opening, the great release, the expansion, the circles, the image of star systems
 
Closing, bracing, bracing for an impact
 
Reminding myself to only live through it once.
 
There is all this energy, all this matter, all these things inside that have no where to go, how do I create a practice of energy, a practice where I am moving through these built up forces?
 
Life force, there is a part of me that is always screaming to be let out.
 
Void.  I think that I am OK when I am dancing.
 
When I am moving, everything keeps circulating.
 
When I am moving, those thoughts and feelings that are destructive are released out into the world.
 
When I am moving, I am taking care.  Dancing is a practice of connecting to my whole self, it is a practice of healing, and performance heightens that? Performance is what allows me to get there – holding of space for me,  arrival takes more than just me.
 
I have questions about how to rehearse, I need to constantly invite people into the room with me.  I need the presences of others…but why?
 
What would it mean to make a dance for the community? What would it take to make a dance for someone else? This is such a foreign concept to me, I can not comprehend how one would make that dance.