The practice of writing anything.

July 12, 8:21 pm
 
Free Writing....

What to do with this writing? How to make sense of it?  What am I researching? How am I deepening my knowledge? What am I learning through moving; what is being revealed to me as I move?

I want to somehow get Roanoke making things. Making something is a form of resiliency, making something counters something, to be creative, to be in collaboration, these are forms of resisting. I am resisting what…..

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I want to connect with disciplines that are different from mine. I want to model collaboration and conversations across disciplines.

To be resilent, what does that mean? What does it mean to start again? to keep going? To say yes, repeatedly, to say no? To take a step back and that be the push. What does it mean to push? Can push mean less effort? can push mean waiting? Can push mean something different then what we associate with that word? How can I be a better leader- to not micro manage, to hold others accountable, to not be afraid to say what I mean, to be curious, fearless, that word comes up to me a lot, what does it mean to be fearless in my practices? Why am I afraid of saying the wrong thing? Why am I afraid of letting my ignorance be seen? Am I afraid of being ignorant because I am worried about hurting someone? About seeming less then? Is it about ego? 

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I woke up this morning with my body feeling bleh, with little motivation to get out of bed. Why is it hard to get up? Why do I feel like I need to stay vertical? I could have gotten up at 7:00 am but I didn’t want to face it, face what? What is it that I don’t want to do?

How do I organize my thoughts?  How do I write something to share? How do I somehow dig through this writing and find the essence, the importance of practice, the act of writing and dancing?

Censor - why do I censor myself when I am alone in the space- maybe there is something there, who am I dancing for and why is that question so complicated? 

Hungry, hungry, distracted hungry…

​The discipline of writing.